What to Do With Conflict

Conflict with others is one of those human experiences that none of us are immune to—and yet, it can feel so jarring when it happens. Maybe a conversation gets tense, someone says something sharp, or you're suddenly in the middle of something you didn’t see coming. Our systems respond fast: heart pounding, jaw tightening, thoughts racing.

When we’re in that space, it’s so easy to lose ourselves. But there are ways to come back.

Here’s a gentle roadmap for navigating external conflict in a more grounded, self-connected way:

Pause.Before anything else—just pause. Even a breath can give your nervous system a chance to catch up. You might say, “I need a second,” or simply take a moment of silence. That space is sacred. It’s where you get to choose how you want to show up, rather than getting swept away.

Come back to your body.Notice your feet on the ground, the sensation of your breath, or the way your hands are resting. These simple anchors help your body remember: I’m safe. I’m here. I can be with this moment.

Check in with what’s happening inside.What are you feeling right now? Angry? Hurt? Embarrassed? Notice any thoughts running through your mind. These inner cues offer important information—and the more awareness you bring to them, the more choice you have in how you respond.

Ask yourself: What do I need right now?This is such a powerful question. Sometimes the need is for space, for reassurance, for clarity, or for kindness. Even if you don’t know exactly how to meet it yet, just identifying what you need is a way of tending to yourself in the middle of something hard.

Speak from your truest voice.If and when you're ready to respond, try to come from your authentic self—not the part that’s reactive or trying to protect you, but the part that’s grounded in who you really are. It might sound like, “I want to talk about this, but I need a minute,” or “I’m feeling a lot and I care about how we move through this.”

Listen for what’s underneath.When someone is upset, they’re often carrying something tender underneath—fear, hurt, a need that hasn’t been met. Listening for that deeper layer doesn’t mean you have to agree or fix anything, but it can help soften the dynamic. You get to stay connected to your heart, even when things are messy.

Stay curious—about yourself and the other person.Conflict invites us to get curious if we’re able to stay regulated and self-aware. You can ask yourself, “What’s really going on here? What’s this bringing up in me? What might the other person be holding or struggling with?” Curiosity helps us stay open, and openness is what makes repair possible. And it’s NOT easy to do when we’re triggered by the conversation.

And if things keep escalating? Take space, lovingly.There’s wisdom in knowing when to step away. You might say, “This feels like too much for me right now. I want to keep talking, but I need a little time first.” Walking away calmly is not the same as shutting down—it’s a way of protecting connection by protecting your capacity.

Conflict is hard. But it’s also an opportunity—an invitation to know ourselves more deeply and to choose how we want to relate, even when things get tough. With attention, self-awareness, and care, difficult moments can be a doorway into deeper honesty—both with ourselves and with the people we care about.

No matter what, please be gentle with yourself.

With warmth,

Mariah